How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What a dumb baby whore.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
