And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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