Just took my morning after pill in the library
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
