thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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