So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
