he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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