Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
