I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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