martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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