and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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