If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
