Barsexuality is the new black.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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