he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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