I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize