One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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