I wish I only lived at night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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