Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
