M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
