Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
