so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
