I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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