just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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