Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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