I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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