Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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