You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
