It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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