You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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