whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
