My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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