Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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