I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
