She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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