Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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