WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
