I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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