Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
