Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
