They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
