dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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