Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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