this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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