Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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