I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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