I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
