I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
