I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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