If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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