there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
