Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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