she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm bleeding and have questions
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