Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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