The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
