By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
