Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
