dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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