my mouth tastes like poor choices
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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