ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
