Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
