I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
