So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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