you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
the raccoons are back...
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