life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.