a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.