There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.