I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.