3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.