Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

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  (206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe. http://tfl.nu/i5qc
  Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (1920)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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  (204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro
  Replies (34) Good night (7495) Bad night (1104)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18816) Bad night (3798)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

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  (440): Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved. http://tfl.nu/6524
  Replies (7) Good night (969) Bad night (6038)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

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  (347): i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had http://tfl.nu/siqb
  Replies (11) Good night (3090) Bad night (1579)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

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  (+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e
  Replies (2) Good night (2952) Bad night (1205)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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  (970): in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door. http://tfl.nu/9co9
  Replies (8) Good night (3389) Bad night (805)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.

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  (231): You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked. http://tfl.nu/mtva
  Replies (4) Good night (2265) Bad night (637)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

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  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3524) Bad night (811)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night

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  (937): They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night http://tfl.nu/quiu
  Replies (6) Good night (1945) Bad night (429)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.

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  (612): Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start. http://tfl.nu/wabc
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (1369)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.

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  (630): She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love. http://tfl.nu/5dr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1660) Bad night (427)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao

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  (561): Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao http://tfl.nu/lnta
  Replies (3) Good night (233) Bad night (429)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!

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  (702): HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!! http://tfl.nu/b1io
  Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (253)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.

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  (401): Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché. http://tfl.nu/g4lg
  Replies (0) Good night (278) Bad night (198)

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