The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
