You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
