worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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