Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
