I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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