I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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