3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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