He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
