Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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