This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
