Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
