i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
