I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
