I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
