I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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