when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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